March 9, 2021

What to do if you’re a victim of gaslighting

Lobang: https://www.moneydigest.sg/what-to-do-if-youre-a-victim-of-gaslighting/

Emotional conversations and confrontations are never easy for people to manage. Whether it be angry partners or challenging parents, often when things get tough, it seems easier to shrink away and accept what the other person is saying even if you know it’s not true.

There’s a name for this type of manipulation, and it’s called gaslighting.

Not sure if you’re a victim of gaslighting? See if you can identify with these phrases:

  • “You must be imagining things.”
  • “Why so serious? I was just pulling your leg.”
  • “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
  • “Are you insane? You know that’s not what happened.”

According to The Sociology of Gaslighting, a journal written by the American Sociological Review, gaslighting is defined as a type of psychological abuse aimed at making individuals feel crazy. It forces the victim to doubt their sense of reality and judgment after repeated psychological attacks from the abuser in question.

Responding to gaslighting can be both triggering and exhausting, depending on the intensity of the abuse you’re enduring. The issue has drawn attention across the years and even portrayed in the early years of cinema.

While there is still an ongoing debate on the proper response to gaslighting and how to prevent it, we’ve put together some ways to counter unfair manipulation from a friend, loved one, or even a colleague.

#1: Take a breather

Gaslighting usually brings on extreme emotions from both the abuser and the victim. If you’re suffering from its effects, you might cycle through an entire round of emotions including anger, fear, worry, and pain.

To not let those feelings overwhelm you, focus instead on giving yourself some space to calm down and take a breather. To regain focus at the moment, go ahead and take a short walk. Do whatever it takes to give you the strength to push back against those emotions.

#2: Gather proof along the way
recording on iPhone

Image Credits: abc.net.au

Collecting records or data of the times and things the person who’s often gaslighting you is a great way to help validate your feelings during and after the experience.

Begin by keeping pictures, screenshots, texts, emails, and even any property your partner damages while they’re with you. Keep a note of your conversations with gaslighters so you can look back as evidence when the situation calls for it.

In severe cases, you may even want to consider using your phone to record them talking so you can have something concrete to back you up where necessary.

#3: Voice your concerns calmly

For the Chinese-educated peeps, we’re sure you’ve come across this phrase – “老虎不发威,你当我是病猫”. It is an apt phrase to demonstrate how gaslighters might step all over you if you don’t speak up.

Voicing your concerns openly and calmly is a great way to let others know that you’re not going to put up with their abuse or disguised insults anymore. Don’t allow such people to confuse you or shake up your confidence.

#4: Trust your memory
an Asian woman thinking about something

Image Credits: unsplash.com

If your partner is labelling you as crazy or unstable for remembering a particular encounter clearly, trust your memory. Misremembering typically involves smaller details, not larger ones. Thus, learn to trust your gut and responses before you trust anyone else.

But it would be wise not to get drawn into the conflict. Instead of saying “I know I’m right” and get whirled up in the argument, say, “It seems like we recalled things differently, but I don’t want to bicker over it.”

#5: Practice self-care

Constantly being in the loop of gaslighting scenarios can significantly affect your nervous system. Give yourself a break by sleeping it off or focusing on overall self-care.

Engage in activities that can help you establish a good routine that prioritises your needs and makes you comfortable, so you can ready yourself to stand up against gaslighting.

Here are some general ways to improve well-being:

  • Journal down your feelings
  • Include positive self-talk or daily affirmations
  • Spend some quality time with your loved ones
  • Try aromatherapy yoga or attend a meditation session
  • Do something you enjoy (e.g. ice skating, crossword puzzles etc.)
#6: Talk to someone
two men having a conversation

Image Credits: unsplash.com

As a victim of non-stop gaslighting, you might be too emotional to view things objectively. As such, it would be wise to seek a second opinion. Talk to someone you trust and seek their insight or input on the situation.

Since they aren’t directly involved in the problem at hand, the chances are that they can offer you an unbiased perspective. Even if they aren’t able to provide any advice, having someone there for you physically or emotionally can help a bunch.

For those facing gaslighting at work, it’s best not to meet with the person alone. If time permits, invite a neutral and trustworthy coworker alongside the meeting to just sit-in and listen to the conversation. Limit your contact with the gaslighter as much as possible.

Final thoughts

Gaslighting can be tough to bear. Don’t face it alone! Besides heeding the above tips to help ease the situation, it’s also advisable that you seek a professional opinion. You can speak to a counsellor or a therapist about your issue and gain insights from the psychologically trained.

All will be well again! Take heart.

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[PROMO] Honguo is offering 50% off Chongqing-style Fish Pot till 31 March!

Lobang: https://www.moneydigest.sg/promo-honguo-is-offering-50-off-chongqing-style-fish-pot-till-31-march/

Honguo, a Specialist of Yunnan Delicacies is celebrating the launch of their Chongqing-style Fish Pot and from now till 31st March, receive a 50% off return voucher when you order a Fish Pot (U.P $32) from Honguo! Choose between mala or sour vegetables soup base. Honguo’s fish pot features a butterflied charcoal grilled whole Barramundi fish seasoned with a blend of over 20 spices and herbs.

Honguo’s mala broth packs a powerful spicy punch but fret not customers will be able to choose the level of spiciness. For non-spice lovers, the sour vegetable version will not disappoint with its umami flavour.

Love to have variety in your fish pot? You can also choose over 11 ingredients (additional S$3.50 each) to add into the fish pot broth. Choices include glass noodle, beancurd skin, fried glutinous ball and bamboo shoot.

Promotion is only till 31 March 2021!

Terms & Conditions

  • 50% return voucher will only be issued with purchase of any Fish Pot
  • 1-day order in advance is required for customers utilizing the 50% off return voucher
  • Cannot be used in conjunction with any other promotions, discounts and privileges
  • Last day to use voucher 31 March 2021

Outlets
Bugis Junction: 200, Victoria Street #B1-06 Singapore 188021
Tel: (65) 6884 4717
Opening Hours:
Daily 11am – 10pm

NEX
: 23 Serangoon Central #B1-75 Singapore 556083
Tel: (65) 6634 4675
Opening Hours:
Daily 11am – 10pm

Website: https://honguo.com.sg/

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8 questions to ask yourself before getting a personal loan

Lobang: https://www.moneydigest.sg/8-questions-to-ask-yourself-before-getting-a-personal-loan/

Are you in need of quick cash for an emergency? One of the most important factors when considering applying for a personal loan is the interest rate.

Whether you’re planning to go for the Standard Chartered CashOne Personal Loan (as low as 3.48% p.a.) or CIMB CashLite (3.5% p.a.), pause for a moment to think it through.

Ask yourself these questions before getting a personal loan.

#1: Why do you need the money?

There are many reasons you may wish to borrow money. Maybe you’re faced with medical bills or unexpected home renovations.

For those looking to pay off high-interest debt, applying for a personal loan would make sense too. For example, if you have a credit card debt at a 25% interest rate per year, it would be wise to take up a personal loan with a 7% interest rate to consolidate your debts and pay it off first.

Go ahead and get that personal loan if you know it’s for a good cause, such as reducing the interest.

#2: What is the interest rate?
Interest rates

Image Credits: Investopedia

Speaking of interest, here’s our next point.

Before you borrow money, understand that the lender will make a profit by charging you interest. According to Investopedia, interest is a charge applied to you, expressed as a principal percentage. And, of course, a lower interest rate is better for you as the borrower. 

However, it’s not as simple as it seems. There are two rates to consider: Applied Rate (AR) and Effective Interest Rate (EIR). In short, AR keeps the loan principal as a constant over the life of the loan. In contrast, EIR calculates the reduction in principal as you pay down the sum.

Do more research if you are unsure of the terms.

#3: Are there other charges?

In addition to interest, there may be additional fees.

Possible charges include a fixed annual fee tagged to borrowing, a late payment fee if you miss a payment, or a change fee if you need to renegotiate your loan terms.

Some banks even charge an early repayment fee as early repayments affect a portion of their predicted profits. Be aware of these possible charges before you move forward with the application.

#4: Can you manage the loan repayments?
loan repayment plan

Image Credits: The Economic Times

When considering whether to take up a personal loan, you must decide if you can handle the repayments.

Once you know the interest rate, extra fees, and anticipated monthly repayment amount, make necessary calculations from your income to see if you can afford to pay it back.

To do so, you want to write out a detailed budget including your spending needs on groceries, household bills, and miscellaneous expenses. From the breakdown, see if you have enough leftovers to weather an unforeseen financial storm.

Yes, that’s for your rainy days.

#5: How will it affect your credit score?

Lenders use credit scores to decide whether to issue you a loan. Credit scores affect loan terms such as interest rates, tenure, and principal limits.

Your payment history, the ratio of debt to credit, the age and quantity of your accounts you own, and any derogatory reports such as loan defaults can affect your credit score.

If you think you can do without a personal loan this time around, then skip it. Ensuring that your credit is in good shape will help you get a better loan in the future when you seriously need it. 

#6: What is your borrowing limit?
Singapore 50-dollar notes

Image Credits: Yahoo Finance

Are you aware that The Monetary Authority of Singapore (MAS) has established a Credit Limit Management Measure (CLMM)?

It prevents financial institutions from lending new credit facilities to borrowers with debts greater than six times their monthly income. This credit limit helps to protect borrowers from getting into high debts too much to bear.

And of course, other than CLMM implemented by the authorities, other factors will also affect your borrowing limit. This includes your credit score, monthly salary, and the relationship you have with the bank.

#7: How reliable is the lender?

Be mindful that some people and institutions may not be worth your time and transaction in any situation involving money.

If a lender fails to run a credit check, seems disorganised, or cannot answer basic questions, be wary. You want to deal with a reputable banking institution and not one that agrees to a loan without reviewing your credit history.

#8: When will you get the funds?
two men shaking hands

Image Credits: Jmc Accounts

Most people seeking personal loans are racing against time. If that is a factor, you want to find out how long is the approval process. From approval to disbursement of the loan, speeds will vary from bank to bank.

Here are three personal loans promising instant processing times:

Final thoughts

The decision to borrow money should be considered carefully. Evaluating and understanding your loan’s reasons, the interest rates, loan repayments, and more mentioned in this article can help you make the best decision possible when seeking a personal loan.

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